Saturday, November 22, 2008

The REAL "Trap or Die"

A guy friend of mine called the other day and told me the "shocking" news that he had a baby on the way. Unfortunately, I wasn't surprised. This wasn't the first time my friend had called me with this same news. I had told him before that he couldn't depend on his chick to take her birth control daily like she told him she was. The conversation ended quickly when I told him that this situation was just as much his fault as it was hers.

My homegirl calls this "The Real Trap or Die". When a woman thinks the only way she can keep a man in her life is to "trap" him with a baby. Men fall for this trick all the time but then act "surprised" when they get the "I'm pregnant" phone call. There are also those women that see a man as a financial gain so they "trap" his pockets by having a child support baby. Once again, the men act surprised and want to blame the woman when they had just as much responsibility in the situation as she did.

So men, how can you keep yourself from becoming a "Trap or Die"? Here are a few ways you can help to insure the only babies you create are on purpose!!!!

Condoms- DUH!!! Make sure you wear a condom but, more importantly, make sure the condom you wear FITS!!!! Magnums aren't for everyone. If you don't fit the magnum, don't feel bad. Just turn the lights off before you open up your LifeStyles package. Trust me, just because you open the gold pack doesn't mean we, as women, don't know that you aren't the correct size for it. If you can fold over excess latex after you put on a Magnum, switch brands. This is important because if the condom is too big, it can easily slip off and you can possibly get "trapped". Also, if you are large, make sure you carry your own condom brand that you know fits you right. This is important because if the condom is too small (and or the poo-nanny is dry) the condom will break and you could possibly get "trapped".

Speaking of men bringing your own condoms, you should ALWAYS carry your own protection. This not only insures that the condoms aren't expired but it also insures thst no holes are poked into the packaging.

Next up for my brothers that don't wear condoms, for whatever reason. Whether it's because this is your "main chick" and you don't feel like you have to strap up, or because it "doesn't feel the same", or maybe a condom isn't available and you just don't have the self control to STOP- invest spermicide!!!! Make the insertion of the spermicide part of the foreplay. Spermicide is supposed to kill the sperm so, if it is properly inserted inside the va-jay-jay, the possibilty of the sperm fertilizing the egg is lessened. No fertilization= no "trapping"!!!

If spermicide isn't your thing, try using female condoms!!! I have never used these but I have heard from both men and women that it feels very close to bare-back! Men, you have the freedom of not having your "johnson" choked up in a condom and women, you have the freedom of the natural feeling without worrying about getting pregnant.

Another tip for men to prevent "trappage" is, when the deal is done, make sure you flush the condom yourself!!!! The "turkey basting method" is alive and well in 2008. Don't be too lazy or too triflin to simply get up and flush the condom. Don't allow the woman to take it off and flush it for you or don't just let it lay on the floor. Do your duty and flush your boys!!!!

All of this may seem like a bit much but just imagine how you will feel when you get "that call" and now you are attached to this woman for the rest of your life physically and financially!!! I don't believe in the whole "18 years" theory. I still call my mother to this day. You are never done raising your children and good parents, even if they aren't together, still communicate for the sake of the kids. If you don't want a woman in your life for the rest of your life, take an extra 5 minutes to do your part to prevent the pregnancy!!!

5 Stylish Folk With Something To Say:

goooooood girl said...

your blog is very fine......

Kisha said...

OMG.....So true. Magnums aren't for everyone!!!!!!

I had a similar conversation the other day with a guy friend telling his ass the same thing Magnums aren't for everyone so stop faking. Why would you want a female to see when you put on a Magnum that's it's baggy. WHYY??

bouncergirl said...

Actually, you should NEVER flush condoms. Flushing condoms down the toilet is a bad idea. They can clog your plumbing or end up in the water supply. If condoms are disposed of via the toilet, they would usually be fished out early on in the water-recycling process and transported to a landfill. However, they can sometimes remain with other water waste and be sent out into the Atlantic, the Gulf, or some other larger body of water.

Anonymous said...

yeah i was thinking dat flushing condoms wasnt good for the environment also...hello bouncergirl i see ykydaw aint the only site u visit LOL

Razzi said...

Ok so flush the sperm and trash the condom!!!! LOL!!!

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